dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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