My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
