My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
