Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
