is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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