If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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