Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
