i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
