That's when you crack a 10am beer
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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