I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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