p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
