After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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