...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
50% drunk capacity currently
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
