Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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