Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
