I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
