your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize