do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How does it feel to date your dad?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
