After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
