I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
nutella sex= disaster
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize