i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
