i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
oh god was she eating orange peels again
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I believe in your delicious
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
