We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
