Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
