I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My feet surprised me
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