The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
