By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
