Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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