I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
