i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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