Who wears a wallet chain?!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
