Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
