It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
