we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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