I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
