...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
