I'm eating all of the evidence.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
