I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
