Sorry, I don't speak sober.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
