Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize