you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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