she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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