haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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