I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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