Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Still dying that you shit outside
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
