so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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