And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
