is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
