My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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