She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
