she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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