You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
