i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
