yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
