Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
