I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
