kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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