so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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