even my farts smell like vagina
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
