We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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