So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
