Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
