you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
