what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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