hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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