i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
