I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
