Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
